The internet has thrown a lot of things out of perspective. Now anyone can impersonate anyone online, everything seems Photoshopped, and it’s hard to actually tell what you’re getting into when looking at people online. They could be crazy. They could be really boring. Hell, they might not even look like their picture. There are some tell-tale signs that the picture is meant to throw off the average looker. Here are some tips on decoding that seemingly hot girl’s confusing selfie.
Check the Neck and Her Boobs
Are there any blurred lines or warped spaces? If there is a warped bubble next to her neck (where she looks fine but the backgrounds lines or shapes don’t look right) or boobs, then it’s likely that she’s trying to look thinner or give her rack some help that mother nature didn’t. Don’t fall for simple mistakes. If she’s not good enough to show her own pics, you don’t want a piece of that.
Pay Attention to the Angle
Check the angle. Everyone jokes about chicks holding their phone way above their heads taking pictures of their duck face. You’ll notice that she looks good, yeah, but that’s stretching her skin and getting rid of double chin she might have. And her head blocks her whole body, so if she’s a fatty you won’t know until it’s too late. If she’s trying to show off her ass by taking one of those backward in the mirror pics, don’t be fooled. That is fine, but what about the front? There’s no clue to what it looks like. She could be fat, flat, and sagging all at once. Unless she’s got other pics to back it up, steer clear.
What Kind of Face is She Making?
A selfie is not just the angle, it’s also the face. Obviously she thought that she looked good, that’s why she’s posting it. So what is she trying to tell you? The duck face: paired with the camera above her head, this just shows that she’s fun and goofy, but still totally hot, right? Look at that silly face and pouty lips. She’s going out of her way to make sure that she doesn’t look stupid enough to kill your boner, but also try to trick you into getting one. It’s an art form, really. The same method is applied to the wide-eyed, opened-mouth face. Again, she’s trying to look like she’s funny and not afraid to make funny faces. Looking off into the distance way past the camera tells you that she wants you to think that she’s deep or mysterious, but most likely she is just looking into a mirror to make sure her eyes are just the right amount of unfocused. Getting what she’s trying to tell you in that picture will give you a clue as to what she’s down for. It could be anywhere from “I’m ready to bang” to “I want you to look at me, but not blatantly hit on me.”